There’s nothing in surfing that says “I fucking rip” more than the white wetsuit.
Bold, brash, and in your face, it’s a statement that very few can get away with.
Wear it well and you’ll shine like a beacon of light, radiating a badass aura to all those watching.
Wear it badly however, and you’ll be on Kook Slams in no time.
You’ve been warned…
THE HISTORY OF THE WHITE WETSUIT
Wetsuits are made black for a reason:
- They’re practical: Black doesn’t get dirty.
- Warmth: Black absorbs the heat from the sun.
Considering we only wear wetsuits to keep us warm, you’re either wearing a white wetsuit because you’re stupid, or you’re trying to make a statement.
Most commonly the latter.
The surfer most synonymous with the white wetsuit is none other than Kelly Slater himself.
Famously, back in 2006 before surfings most anticipated finale ever, The Pipe Masters between Andy Irons and Kelly, he was routinely seen surfing Backdoor each afternoon, right out front of the Billabong house where Andy was staying making his statement.
Surfing late into the evening wearing his now infamous white wetsuit.
Nothing quite says confidence/arrogance more than strutting your stuff in a white wettie.
Unfortunately though, as luck would have it, Kelly would go on to lose that final (ouch).
WHO ELSE HAS DARED TO WEAR WHITE?
You might be fooled into thinking that it’s only World Champions that can pull off wearing white wetsuits, and if so, you’re kinda right.
Steph Gilmore rocked the white wettie back in 2022 as she went on to blitz the field at Lower Trestles.
With a boat load of World Title trophies under her belt she had the swagger, the skill, and the talent to back it up.
Wearing it like a true champ.
Other notable wearers of white are Koloke Andino (who’s regularly been seen surfing in his white wetsuit at Lowers) and to a degree, Mick Fanning also.
And that’s about it.
It’s a small list for a reason.
WHAT DOES THIS INFO TELL US?
It tells us that unless you're good, like really good, you should NEVER, EVER, even think of donning a white wetsuit in the surf.
Why?
Cause you’ll look like a fool.
You’ve got to be able to seriously walk the walk, not just talk the talk to pull that shit off.
Don’t believe me?
Take yourself out to a crowded lineup in your white wetsuit and just witness the judgement and utterings of “what a cock” as you paddle past.
EXCEPT IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES…
In online forums the subject of white wetsuits comes up from time to time, with vitriolic trolling as you’d expect.
But one commenter had a point:
“I personally looked into getting one because I don’t want anything mistaking me for a seal”
Now I for one think that Wide-Independence525 has a point.
Seals are black and look all rubbery and blubbery - like many over 40’s men surfing nowadays.
Now couldn’t sharks, big fucking white pointy ones, make the mistake of thinking said surfer is a seal?
Damn right it could.
Which throws us an unexpected curveball…
So not only is it the elite of the elite that should wear white wetsuits, but also slightly overweight, middle aged men or women for that matter.
Now as a slightly overweight middle aged man myself, I’d rather get eaten by a shark than risk looking like an absolute kook surfing in a white wetsuit in front of another human.
SO TO WRAP THIS UP
White wetsuits are impractical: They’re colder than they need to be, and they get dirty as hell instantly.
They should only be worn if you’ve won a world title (or are of that calibre).
Fat surfers should risk getting eaten by a shark rather than wear the shame of surfing lame in a white wetsuit.
The end.
ROWAN CLIFFORD
Rowan is the technical nerd behind the scenes. A lover of everything entrepreneurial, and living a minimal, simple life.
